Saturday, April 15, 2006

Get out of your freakin' car!!

There are a few things in this world that drive me crazy. Nuts in brownies, nuts in cookies, nuts in banana nut bread (should just be banana bread), and the loud continuous typing noise coming from my wife’s fingers (at this very moment) as she types away at 100 wpm or close to that. The worst of them all are the nuts in their cars who insist on using their horn instead of their legs to draw someone from their home.You know the ones: they honk, and then honk again ten seconds later because they think ten seconds is long enough for someone to get out of their house.

I also am vicariously annoyed by the honking for my neighbors because I know there are about fifty or more of them in the horn’s sound range. To top it all off, the honking is usually done in the early morning when everyone is awake and no one dare sleep in to disrupt the use of the precious horn. Oh yes one more thing, the courteous genius honking the horn is often found double parked to stay in the ready position for immediate take off once the honkee enters the car (no race comment intended). The open spot just twenty feet ahead of the honker is too far away and would disrupt the take off position. If they would just park their vehicle in one of the many open spots and get out of their car, all would be right.

If I were to take action against those socially disabled honkers, here’s what I would do. I’d pull up next to the honker on my scooter and triple park. Then I’d sound off an air horn in the opposite direction of the SUV or car and start yelling “Stiney get out here!”, and just for fun I would add in, “Don’t forget to bring grandpa’s hemorrhoid donut!”. Oh Man, that would be awesome… I don’t think this is any real type of revenge, but it sure would make me feel better. So here is my question for you, if you could retaliate in some way to these gross offenders, what would you do?

2 comments:

Ian said...

I would love to help you with this very problem, my 4runner has bars of metal on the front that double as cow killers and horn jerk blocker inners. So we just wait till they show up and block them and pretend that we have to get someone too. We then have the oppertunity to get out and show them what working legs are like, or just incase they honk because they just so happen to not have legs of their own. We can call the people we wish to summon from their dwelling. Then there would be no excuses. I have to deal with that same thing about everyday outside of my office. I will most likely not do anything about it. Cheers!

Spencer J said...

May I suggest a drive by mooning for your honkers. You drive by with Eric's rear end hanging out the window. That would be priceless.