Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Learn as you go part two

Every thing we know we learn at some point in our lives. There are some things we should have learned earlier but just didn’t. Here are a few more examples for your reading pleasure.

First, look at this picture. Many of you have seen this picture and know what it is. If you have never seen this picture look closely because what you see at first may not be what others see.

Now, look at the picture of the Postal Service logo, about 99.9999999999999999999% of the public will look at it and say, “Oh that is an eagle” and the discussion would be over.
Well, about two years ago if anyone asked me what that picture was I would say, “It looks like a man with a big pointy nose with his right foot forward and his left leg is gimpy and he has some white thing sticking out of his butt.” I never really paid attention to the white thing or the gimpy leg but I did think it was strange to have a guy with a huge head and a pointy nose as the logo for the United States Postal Service. Sometime later I came across this picture again and I said to myself, “Self, what the heck is that thing really? It can’t be some guy with a pointy nose, that would be retarded… wait a second, I am such a moron.” This is where I use the ball of my hand to hit my head while saying, “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

The second situation happened about three years ago when I was eating dinner at my parent’s house. I don’t remember if this was a special occasion dinner but it may have been. There is usually a lot of noise when we are together because as a whole we, the J family, have very lively personalities. Our dinner was either spaghetti and pizza or steak and fries, which are our staple family dinners. Throw in a salad into either one of those choices and we are set. After eating, I wanted to proclaim my physical satisfaction of the wonderful meal to whom ever was listening. I thought to myself, “Self, what should I say to describe my satisfaction? Let me see. How about ‘I feel stuffed!’ No, that is so old fashioned. How about ‘Me belly really big. You makum good food.’ No, to caveman-ish. How about I think of a big word—one that I never use. Oh wait I know…” Here is my prize winning phrase, “Oh man, I am famished!” Now before I go on lets take a look at what the word famished means. According to the word means- extremely hungry: to be famished after a hike; famished, homeless multitudes. —Synonyms See HUNGRY. My younger brother was sitting next to me when I said that and he had a strange look on his face. Keep in mind that I said this in the midst of about three conversations, so lucky for me not many people heard. My big younger brother started to laugh at me so I figured that I must have used the word wrong. For some reason I thought it was a synonym for full. I guess I was wrong.

Third and least of all. While at work about two weeks ago, I was writing a Letter of Instruction for one of our clients in which I wrote the word receipt. I spelled it reciept and since I was typing in Word the red squiggly line showed up. Therefore, I right clicked the word and the spell check came up with the correct spelling of receipt. I made a mental note that the e comes before the i. Later in the day, as I was writing a follow-up project for myself, I wrote the word receive and I noticed that receive is spelled similar to the word receipt. And all of a sudden the phrase came to me “I before E except after C.” Holy Cow! I have never seen this rule applied until this one moment. I was amazed; I could finally say I understand this rule now and I was amazed that it took me twenty-seven years to figure it out. Good Job Spencer!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Run for Fun?

My wife got an invitation in the mail a few days ago inviting her to join the leukemia foundation for a four day hike in Maui to raise money. Now this is a disease I don’t know much about nor will I explore it at this time, but there was something that caught my ear as my wife was telling me about it. I thought it was strange that this organization would get people together for four days to hike. What does hiking in Maui have to do with trying to battle the effects of leukemia? If someone came up to me and asked for my help in sponsoring them for the hike I wouldn’t be thinking about all the poor people suffering from leukemia that this would-be hike is trying to help, no I would be thinking, “Man this person has to hike for four days, that sucks. I better give them some money to help them prepare for the crapiest four days ever”. Who wants to hike for four days? (If you are a hiker, you had better move on to another blog) Furthermore, what does walking or running have to do with other sicknesses like heart disease, liver cancer, breast cancer, plumbers crack, etc? I don’t get why there are such things as walks or runs.

In elementary school, I participated in the annual Jog-a-thon where I was to go around and get sponsors. For every lap I ran/walked/crawled I would receive a set amount determined by my sponsor. The only thing I liked about this jog-o-thing is I got free orange slices and water as I ran and I got to listen to Chariots of Fire as I panted for life. Oh, sweet memories.

I guess people who do walks or runs -in this case hikes- just want to be involved besides just giving money. There is a sense of satisfaction when one is involved physically and not just monetarily. Well, if that is the case I want to be involved too! However, I don’t want to do something boring like hiking or walking. I want to do something different and exciting. Now let me see, how about…

Skating for Scurvy- I love to long-board and I know there are tons of people who skate. Think of all those people we will be helping as they cross the Atlantic, those who are running from religious oppression and want to live in peace. God bless you pilgrims, God bless you all!

Backyard Wrestling for Obesity- from what I understand, about half of Americans are over-weight and a third are obese. Everyone should be involved in this because either you or someone you know is corpulent.

Curling for World Peace- curling looks so boring that I am sure I could fall asleep while playing it and while I am asleep, I am peaceful. I can see this changing the world very quickly.

Russian Roulette for the Mentally Insane- this could only work if we use air soft guns that use very very soft air.

Cross Country Skiing for Public Nudity Awareness- Uuuuuhhhhh, Next!

Diving for Dysentery- you my not want to participate in the diving if you have dysentery, but keep in mind that this double gainer is for you my dysentery disabled friends.

Skydiving for Mad Cow Disease- two cows were in a field and one looks over at the other and says, “What is the deal with this so called mad cow disease?” and the other cow looks back and says “What do I care, I’m a helicopter”.

Shuffle Board for Scabies- a contagious skin disease occurring esp. in sheep and cattle and also in humans, caused by the itch mite, Sarcoptes scabiei, which burrows under the skin. All those old people in the senior homes are pulling for you.

Riding a Segway across America for the Manatee- as I ride my Segway across this beautiful country all I can think is “Cow of the sea. Cow of the sea”.

Leap Frogging Grizzly Bears for Rotten Foot Disease- those grizzly bears never will know what hit them. One technique I have used to keep myself from being mauled is to have a friend sit in a car with the engine running and in drive while the passenger door is wide open. The trick is to jump the bear and make it to the car before it does. Good luck.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Talk Dorky to me

There was a guy in my summer accounting class who ware a shirt that said “Talk Dorky to Me”. I thought the shirt was great. It is obviously a play off the phrase talk dirty to me, and I thought to myself, “If I was to talk dorky to someone, what would I say.” So I compiled and originated a list of phrases I would expect to hear if someone were to speak in turbo nerd.

1. No, I will not fix your computer
2. It is not that I can’t explain it… It is that you just won’t understand.
3. My mom thinks I am cool.
4. You’re just jealous because my experience points went into double digits.
5. I have a +2 broad sword and you don’t
6. Please don’t call me Steve when we are playing, call me Dungeon Master
7. Hey, you want to do some algorithms with me?
8. Haduken!
9. Blowing into the Nintendo cartridge really works.
10. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start
11. If at first you don’t succeed (ctrl-alt-delete)
13. "Hab SoSlI ‘ Quch!"= "Your mother has a smooth forehead," in Klingon
14. I have an Intel Core 2 Extreme x6800 processor with 4MB L2 Cache, 2.66GHz, 1066MHz FSB, what do you have?
15. You better back off or I’m going to go ninja all over your rear end.
16. I met my wife at opening night of Revenge of the Sith. I was and Ewok and she was a maiden from Naboo.
17. We are the knights who say, NEE!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The English Beat

The English Beat came to my town(San Elijo Hills)and put on a good and free show. I only got about 18 minutes of the show because I ran out of film, but it worked well for me because I had to leave. I saw most of the show.
Here is my footage for your viewing pleasure. Some of the other songs they played that I didn't record were can't get use to losing you, tenderness (by General Public), and Hands off she's mine. Sweet show.