Thursday, August 24, 2006

Run for Fun?

My wife got an invitation in the mail a few days ago inviting her to join the leukemia foundation for a four day hike in Maui to raise money. Now this is a disease I don’t know much about nor will I explore it at this time, but there was something that caught my ear as my wife was telling me about it. I thought it was strange that this organization would get people together for four days to hike. What does hiking in Maui have to do with trying to battle the effects of leukemia? If someone came up to me and asked for my help in sponsoring them for the hike I wouldn’t be thinking about all the poor people suffering from leukemia that this would-be hike is trying to help, no I would be thinking, “Man this person has to hike for four days, that sucks. I better give them some money to help them prepare for the crapiest four days ever”. Who wants to hike for four days? (If you are a hiker, you had better move on to another blog) Furthermore, what does walking or running have to do with other sicknesses like heart disease, liver cancer, breast cancer, plumbers crack, etc? I don’t get why there are such things as walks or runs.

In elementary school, I participated in the annual Jog-a-thon where I was to go around and get sponsors. For every lap I ran/walked/crawled I would receive a set amount determined by my sponsor. The only thing I liked about this jog-o-thing is I got free orange slices and water as I ran and I got to listen to Chariots of Fire as I panted for life. Oh, sweet memories.

I guess people who do walks or runs -in this case hikes- just want to be involved besides just giving money. There is a sense of satisfaction when one is involved physically and not just monetarily. Well, if that is the case I want to be involved too! However, I don’t want to do something boring like hiking or walking. I want to do something different and exciting. Now let me see, how about…

Skating for Scurvy- I love to long-board and I know there are tons of people who skate. Think of all those people we will be helping as they cross the Atlantic, those who are running from religious oppression and want to live in peace. God bless you pilgrims, God bless you all!

Backyard Wrestling for Obesity- from what I understand, about half of Americans are over-weight and a third are obese. Everyone should be involved in this because either you or someone you know is corpulent.

Curling for World Peace- curling looks so boring that I am sure I could fall asleep while playing it and while I am asleep, I am peaceful. I can see this changing the world very quickly.

Russian Roulette for the Mentally Insane- this could only work if we use air soft guns that use very very soft air.

Cross Country Skiing for Public Nudity Awareness- Uuuuuhhhhh, Next!

Diving for Dysentery- you my not want to participate in the diving if you have dysentery, but keep in mind that this double gainer is for you my dysentery disabled friends.

Skydiving for Mad Cow Disease- two cows were in a field and one looks over at the other and says, “What is the deal with this so called mad cow disease?” and the other cow looks back and says “What do I care, I’m a helicopter”.

Shuffle Board for Scabies- a contagious skin disease occurring esp. in sheep and cattle and also in humans, caused by the itch mite, Sarcoptes scabiei, which burrows under the skin. All those old people in the senior homes are pulling for you.

Riding a Segway across America for the Manatee- as I ride my Segway across this beautiful country all I can think is “Cow of the sea. Cow of the sea”.

Leap Frogging Grizzly Bears for Rotten Foot Disease- those grizzly bears never will know what hit them. One technique I have used to keep myself from being mauled is to have a friend sit in a car with the engine running and in drive while the passenger door is wide open. The trick is to jump the bear and make it to the car before it does. Good luck.


Jamie J said...

My prefered cause would be lounging for lobotomies. Then neither of us would have to do anything!

Geoffy G said...

They should have instead of a walk or run for charity, a TV-athon. For every 1/2 hour of FOX news you watch you can get $15 or something from a spornser. I would all to be willing to sponser somebody because it shows true devotion to a cure if you are willing to endure even the first 30 seconds of Bill O. Of course, my Father-in-Law would be a trillionaire 1,000 times over, he loves bill. Ugghh!
I would have had to pay about $100 if I was sponsered to watch any program except for, of course, Greta V.

Spencer J said...

Groff G,
Now don't be dissing my dog Bill O. Now if you want to make fun of Greta V be my guest. She talks out of the side of her face which drives me nuts. So Geoff you better clean up your act here in Spencer land or you my friend are going to time out. You are on notice.

Geoff Grove said...

Dude, I have this odd crush on Greta. Bill can kiss my rear and so can you if you try to warn me, ooooooohhhhh!

ps i got my own blog

Spencer J said...

Geoff lets get something straight. I didn't try to warn you, I did warn you and if you are so anxious for me to do some butt kissing I will be there shortly with the scoop of my air soft gun aimed directly at your left leaning butt cheek. How do you like me now?!

PS. I look forward to reading your cynic blog.